Hosts Are Not Prostitutes, Treat Them Respectfully
by Lala to the power of 2
Summary: In which Gin-san is a pervert, Katsura wishes he had never gotten this part-time job, and the rest of the host club tries not to laugh.


Gintoki stepped into the chattering din of the host club, casting a glance around the room.

"Oi," he said to the host standing by the door, "Where's Kyoushirou? I've got something for him."

The host smiled charmingly. "Kyoushirou-san is with guests right now. Would you care to wait for him at the bar? We can also set you up with a different host if you like."

Gintoki cast his eyes around the room as if trying to confirm his words. "No, I'll just drop it off-" his sentence ended when his eyes hit the giant white duck behind the bar.

The host caught his gaze. "Ah, don't worry about Elizabeth-san. She's kind of odd, but she can mix a martini in twenty seconds flat."

Gin smirked. "Oh, I'm not concerned at all. I was just thinking that when there's smoke, there's fire." He turned to the host again. "You wouldn't happen to have a new host, would you? Named Katsura?"

The doorman blinked at him. "You mean Koutarou-san? I believe he's free at the moment, would you care for his company this evening?"

Gintoki's smile widened. "Why, I'd love that."

He was escorted to an empty booth where Katsura was flagged down. His grin didn't falter.

"Good evening, I- WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE, GINTOKI?!"

"Yo, Zura! Is that any way to treat your client?"

Meanwhile, across the room, Kyoushirou bid farewell to his two guests with a charming smile, escorting them to to the door. He turned to the host by the door.

"So, Taka-san. Do I have any more guests lined up for me?"

Taka-san shook his head. "Not right now, but..." He gestured towards a booth, "There's a man with a silver perm and dead-fish eyes who says he has something for you."

Kyoushirou smiled. "Ah, Gin-san's back. Where is he?"

"With Koutarou-san."

The host blinked in surprise."Eh? He's with a host? How unusual." He muttered to himself. "I suppose I'll just go see for myself."

"Oi, Zura, aren't you supposed to be more courteous? Pour me a drink, why don't you."

"It's not Zura, it's Katsura! And you allready have strawberry milk!"

"So? Pour it into a glass or something."

Kyoushirou smiled, approaching the table. "Gin-san, it's good to see you again. I heard you have something for me?"

Gintoki presented him with a cloth-wrapped box. "Aa. Your mom sent another pumpkin pie. You really ought to give her your address allready so she stops sending them to me."

He accepted the box graciously."But if I did that, she'd visit all the time! Thank you for bringing it all this way." He cocked his head curiously. "But I have to ask... Didn't you say you weren't comfortable being served by men? Why the sudden change in heart?"

"Ah, well, that's because it's Zura. Zura's not the same as a man."

The Joui looked enraged. "Not a man?! Then I'm a woman?!"

Gin shook his head. "Nah, that's not what I meant. It's more like... A man, to me, is someone whose appreance mean as much to me as an animal or a tree. You fight with a man, you bathe with a man, but it doesn't mean anything because it's just other men. But you're different, Zura. Because you, unlike other men, are someone I would like to have sex with. And that's why you're not the same as a man."

There was a brief silence.

"...Because you want to bone me?"

Gintoki nodded. "Yep."

More silence.

"And have in the past, if you recall." Gin added after a beat.

"That... Was not something I had forgotten."

Kyoushirou, meanwhile, watched with an amused smile.

"In any case, Zura, as I am still your customer, I do believe you should be sitting on my lap right now."

"Like hell!"

"Oh? Fine, I can sit on yours, if you prefer."

"Don't be stupid! You're way too heavy! And it's against the rules of the club."

Kyoushirou smiled. "Yes,but there are, as of right now, no rules against a host sitting on the client's lap."

Gin-san grinned. "You heard the man," he said, pulling Katsura into his lap.

"Dammit, Gintoki!" Zura huffed. "What is with you all of the sudden?! Usually you treat me the same as any of your moronic friends, so why is it that now you can't- DON'T TOUCH THERE!"

"Well, mainly I wanted to make fun of you, but I have to say, Zura... Flirting with poeple proffesionally really makes a guy jealous, you know. So my innate manly possessiveness inspires the desire to molest you in public."

"Just because we used to roll in the hay does not make me your property, Gintoki."

"Well, if you think about it, we never actually broke up. So really, we're still in a relationship, meaning I am allowed to lay claim to you."

"And the eight years between then and now?"

"Trial seperation. Trial's over, back to bed."

"That's absurd! That didn't even count as a relationship anyway- it was just the carnal desires of two men who never knew if they would be dead the next day!"

"Sounds like a relationship to me." Kyoushirou interrupted with a smile. This was really too fun.

"You stay out of this! AND WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT PUTTING YOUR HAND THERE!"

"Not to, but I'm pretty sure you didn't mean it."

"Dammit, Gintoki! Would you just leave me alone and let me get back to the customers who are actually _paying?"_

"But I did pay. I brought pie."

"That was his to begin with!"

"Not if I had kept it. I could have kept the pie, you know."

"GINTOKI!"

Gin sighed. "Fine. If that's what you really want." he relented, allowing Katsura to move from his lap and sauntering towards the door. "Later. Oh, and your mom said not eat both pies right away or you'll get heartburn."

"Both pies?"

"One was requisitioned for delivery fee. Goodnight." Gin called over his shoulder.

Kyoushirou looked at Katsura.

"Koutarou-san, are you blushing?"

"Out of humiliation at this indignity."

"...You're staring at him."

"No I'm not!"

The host smiled to himself. "Gin-san!" He called, "I've decided to let Koutarou-san off early tonight! Would you mind taking him home for me?"

Gintoki grinned.

"What the- put me down, dammit! I can walk on my own! GINOTKI!"

--

At the bar, Elizabeth looked around.

'_Where's Katsura?' _read the sign the creature pulled out.

The host getting drinks glanced at Elizabeth. "Eh, Kyoushirou-san said he let him off early so he could get laid."

_'Oh'_ read the next sign. Elizabeth flipped it over. _'I'll pick him up from the Yorozuya in the morning, then.'_


End file.
